My Sanity.

Cynical mind, cold heart,

I’ve stopped searching for you, sweetheart.

The solitude I live in has taught me a lot,

Indifference and no emotions in my thought.

My hands burning from controlling these reins,

The hurting took my sunshine, only the storm remains.

I thought you’d hear my soul calling,

But now you’ve just been stonewalling.

So now I know that I don’t need you,

The storm and I are one, it doesn’t seem to subdue.

I remember craving for serenity,

How did I end up in this insanity?

My subconscious knows we’re destined to meet,

You’re the only thing making my heart beat.

Sometimes when I do see a break in the clouds,

It’s your face I search for in the crowds.

-Hey everyone! I hope you all are safe and sound. This poem is a continuation of ‘My Tempestuousness’, I got the idea from a friend and I really wanted to do something with it. So, let’s see will I find what I’ve been looking for or will this is storm consume me?
Let me know what you think!

My Tempestuousness

Chaotic mind, melancholic heart,

Something is keeping me and peace apart.

Some days I get too close to my reality,

Other nights I lie awake wondering who I could be.

This dilemma won’t let me get too close to you,

But your halo is what I crave to get to.

If only I could find you or my serenity,

It’ll give me back my identity, my sanity.

I don’t see the sunshine after this current raging in my mind,

I can only learn to tame it, be its mastermind.

Still, I will not stop my quest to reach you,

Through this storm I will break through.

Maybe my heart will call out to your soul,

Maybe I will give you the reigns, give you my control.

-Hello everyone! Time is moving so fast, I cannot believe it is March again. I did not feel like writing something for a very long time, but the thought of not doing it kept bugging me. I was extremely determined to write something today and actually finishing it makes me feel light and indescribable.
I hope you liked this poem, let me know what your interpretation is, because for me this is a very open ended piece, so do comment and like. Stay safe! xo

Dusting Off

I haven’t written a blog since August, I kept thinking about it and came up with a million ideas and even started typing but something just didn’t feel right. Sometimes other things came up, or I put it off for a week, thinking that I would come up with something better. Although this isn’t the first time I felt this way about my blog, I admit to having creative block, but this was different. Well the whole year was different.

I am very very fond of this blog, it has been a source of consistency and comfort. I never thought I would leave it when I most needed a sense of normalcy in life. Today, I am sitting with my laptop, forcing myself to dust off my blog and remember why I started to write in the first place.

This feels like a new beginning but its not, I see how far my blog has come and how different my content has become. I can not put into words how important this place is for me. So with all the new beginnings I hope that this dusty old blog stays with no matter how busy I get….

-HELLO! I am still about 3 hours away from 2021, and I wish every one reading this a happy and fulfilling year, I hope you complete all your goals. xo

Rainy Day.

I could hear the rain pouring outside,
My heart beating with its rhythm.
I sighed deeply knowing it’s just anxiety.

The thunderclap always startles me,
A wailing baby in the distance gives me a little company.
I stand by my window, hoping for it to pass.

As the petrichor clouds the atmosphere,
I feel the melancholy dawning on me.
I wish I could find a reasonable explanation.

I close my eyes hoping to calm down,
My ears throbbing from the adrenaline rush.
I chuckled ruefully at my agitated mind.

My body shivers as a cool breeze blows,
I wrap myself in a blanket, wondering if I saw another flash of light.
“It’s okay”, I whisper just as the lightening strikes.

-Hey, rain always brings the blues with it, so why not write a poem about it? I usually drown the thunder with loud music. What do you do to overcome the rainy blues? Let me know in the comments, and hit like if you connect with the poem. Thank you!

It Has Been Three Years….

Three years ago, today, I posted my first ever blog. The decision was as impulsive as it was premeditated. I always knew I loved to write but was never sure about what I wrote. I had no idea what a blog was supposed to look like, how to connect with people, how active it should be, or if anyone would even read it, let alone like it. All I wanted to do was find a platform for my poems and thoughts.

This blog started out as a source for me to channel a lot of emotions, but is now a happy place for me. I noted all the positive reviews and criticism. Now I am proud of how far it has come and that I never gave up on it. I don’t think I even thought about a dedicated theme for the blog. I had a bunch of poems written in my phone and scribbled on pages. I just didn’t have the confidence to “show the world”, but what can I say? I am very, very impulsive.

So I want to end my anniversary post by saying, do whatever makes you content, you might not ace it right away, but you will gain confidence in yourself and your ability to do it.

There are obviously a lot of people I wish to thank, but they know who they are, and I love them for helping all the way.

Change.

I was watching Aziz Ansari’s Netflix special “Right Now”, when it struck a cord.

Here is the official teaser for anyone who hasn’t heard of it and/or seen it

He talks about a variety of subjects over the course of an hour but what hit home for me was the way he addressed racism, “woke culture” and the change in what’s acceptable behaviour over two generations.

A particular line that I found extremely fitting was people these days are trying to “out woke” each other. According to Merriam-Webster the term ‘woke’ was first used in 1972 and it means- to be aware of and actively attentive to important facts and issues (especially issues of racial and social justice). Hence, the comment made by the comic is not only true but also explains how we have come to destroy the purpose of being woke. People these days learn about how the problems began but do little to actively be aware of it or work on it; other than correcting people on social media. (Perfectly illustrated by Ansari)

This trend, going back half a century, has a lot to do with sociological factors. We all are aware of how the society plays a vital role in forming our opinions and prejudices. Then how does this change over generations occur? And why is this change so gradual?

Coming from a psychological point of view, our first thoughts about a person or an incident is what the society has conditioned us to think, but our second thought is what we learn and absorb as an individual. Hence, the stronger the cultural influence, the gradual will the change be in personal opinion. This makes the process stretch over generations.

A way to speed things up is public dialogue with conversation that builds tolerance by confronting the problem. This leads to examination of ideas, and the rationale behind the prejudices. The point of this communication is not to wholly convert deep-set notions, but to listen to and correct the falsehoods. Unfortunately, even forums like these can turn into events for hate speech and bigotry mongering.

Although people still act on their impulsive thoughts (manifesting into destructive ways), others ensure that it is called at. More and more people are fighting the deep rooted ideas. We are determined to bring historic changes. Coming generations will see the change we dream of.

Let’s not avoid responsibility. Let’s make sure people who say evil things, who do evil things, who believe evil things have to take responsibility.

Sander Gilman and Tom Mison, Are Racists Crazy?: How Prejudice, Racism, and Antisemitism Became Markers of Insanity

-This blog is extremely different from the ones I have previously written.
I welcome all views and criticism. Stay safe.

Apocalypse

Jeans feel abandoned, streets are deserted

Social media bustling, extroverts introverted.

Skies turn blue, constellations seem anew

World at a standstill, run by essential few.

Those devoted front line combatant, who were never prepared for this obliteration

Worse than dealers’ arms, they weren’t prepared with strategies or formations.

They were standing there, and saw a grenade in their hands

Had to calm the frenzy, while preparing a war plan.

It’s more than survival of the fittest, it’s isolated and it’s indefinite

It’s panic and anxiety, it’s a pessimistic society.

Visible from the windows, are just one of the warriors

Working in scorching sunlight, makes me think about those quarriers.

Who used to work every day, to evade fasting for the day

For them we need more than silent prayers, do you think god alone can save Bombay?

If He could save the ones locked up, zoos would lose all sight

So it’s in our hands to save them, we all have a part in this plight.

While fighting anxiety and boredom, remember the ones fighting starvation

They might be the ones who put food on your table, and easy victims of tactful manipulation.

It’s times like these that make us aware of the freedom, we’re lucky enough to have it

For some nothing changed, just another reason for their lives to take a hit.

This virus makes me question how insignificant some problems are,

Our actions have been so barbaric, look what we did to Myanmar

Think about the ones saving and protecting man,

When they know what he did in Sudan, Japan and Afghanistan.

-Hello! I wrote this poem as an inspiration from the documentaries and articles I have been reading about wars and crisis that never seem to end and during such a time of global pandemic I found myself thinking out those people who have an additional adversity in front of them. I am also going to post a blog which is all about positives in this situation! Take care and stay indoors!

I also want to mention that the essential services and medical staff along with the police who are working relentlessly deserve more than gratitude and t”hank you’s” they are at this moment no less than a soldier and there is no amount or words to show them how important they are. And the people who are treating these god-like humans are just plain selfish and vile.

Ashes to Ashes

Ashes to ashes, Dust to dust,

The body withers away, now just sawdust.

Everything is dark, day and night,

The flue gas stacks in sight and the cigarettes alight.

Taking away my breath, one puff at a time,

Out of all there are, this is the worst crime.

When it worsens, it’ll be the end,

No one will survive, no one will be left to condemn.

The mum of a few above,

The actions we’re all a part of.

I just want those to have a say, the ones who try to convey,

That we are the ones who should stay away;

We need to stop treating the world like an ashtray.

We can barely spy the blue sky, with our little eye,

Or, see the stars above Shanghai.

We are the ones slaying the macrocosm,

Making catastrophic mistakes, like hotter autumns.

So, soon it’s all going to be ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Even the innocent jungles, of all that would remain is rust.

– Hi everyone! I was going through a writer’s block since the last 1-2 months and I forced myself to write a bit every now and then and I finally completed this poem today. I’m really pleased with the whole idea and the message I wanted to deliver through this poem.

I, also, want to say that I know the pandemic is taking a toll on all of us so I urge everyone to really stay indoors and look at the amazing things nature does when we leave it untouched, even if its for a few days. We should really utilize this time to restart or pick up a hobby we always wanted to do, connect with people we lost touch with and STAY SAFE, STAY INDOORS AND TAKE PREVENTIVE MEASURES.

Lastly, I want to say a huge thank you and give an applause to all the people working around the clock, treating those who are infected, at the risk of their lives; and to all those who work for other essential sectors, be it the sanitation department or the government officials. And I would like to appreciate the steps being taken by the Indian Government and the State Governments in this “hour of panic”.

My Clock, My Timeline

This is personal.

I have taken a gap/ drop year and I was very very frustrated seeing my friends and peers having fun at college while I was made to go through an extra round of work. But lately I came to the realization that I am just moving according to my own clock. I might not be where I thought I would be or doing what others think is the right move, but I am working according to my timeline.

A lot of people worry that they are not doing enough and they should be somewhere forward in their paths. But during this worry and frustration they forget what their end line is. The light at the end of the tunnel is always there but if we forget about reaching it and instead give up then it ceases to exist.

Reaching the goal matters as much as the journey. My timeline demanded that I wait and work in order to get to where I want to be and so I did. It seemed like a questionable choice to a lot of people but I was true to myself and decided that this is what my journey to my end line is going to be.

While my own clock keeps ticking so does a lot of peoples’ I cannot stop theirs and I cannot make mine go faster, so I stopped being a spectator, watching people win and lose at their races. I have chosen to reach the end line at my own pace, because I might not reach there first but I will be there and I will be happy because I achieved what I wanted to.

My drop year made me realize how difficult it is to be patient but also how a lot of beautiful things can come out of even just a little bit of it; how nothing can replace hard work and lastly, how nothing good can come out from stress without giving yourself space and chance to improve.

-Hello everyone! HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I didn’t write at all last month because I was coming to such heavy realizations *hahaha* Just kidding. Drop Year is hard specially with so much competition but I am happy and confident in myself right now and I know I’ll get through it.

Thank you for reading and let me know what you think about this blog in the comments and please like it if you do like what you read! Have a wonderful 2020!

Things to Remember

When we are at a low, or in a vulnerable position, we forget everything good that has ever happened to us. In that moment we feel all is lost. I too, like everyone out there, have felt the same way numerous times, more so in the past couple of months; and I too, like most of the people out there chose to fight all the negativity alone. In those times, I know that I have a lot of people to go to, but the feeling of being misunderstood or dismissed for feeling the way I do stops me. BUT….

I remind myself that just the fact that I have a lot of places and people to go to denotes that I matter. Maybe I don’t feel like I do, specially in that moment, but a handful of people think I do. who are directly or indirectly affected by every action I take.

I remind myself of the last time I felt that way and how good things happened even on the worst days, when I was too focused on the bad to see it. But still managed to push through. How stupid some issues see when seen in retrospect, but felt almost life altering at that particular time.

I take a conscious note of my ability to wake up the next morning with a physically sound body, roof over over my head and all the little things I take for granted. I focus on all the safety nets I have before the actual rock bottom and the time I have to fix a problem.

I point out to myself that every experience, good or bad, is a part of who I am and who I will be. If I try to fight off with the internal storm, I am fighting myself and hurting myself. I can’t pit myself against….. myself. Instead I acknowledge that whatever is going on with me right now isn’t separate from who I am. I get to write my own story and be the hero.

Lastly, I call attention to the permanence of the moment and nothing is ever permanent. The negative emotions may cloud my logic and judgement but like all good and bad times, this shall pass too. The time it takes to feel better or different can be within the next second or the next year, but the change is always shocking. It is hard to trust yourself when in a state of frenzy.

Even though I try to keep these things in mind I do tell myself that it’s important to talk to people about how I feel and try to be in the present; I put have put my foot down and stopped missing out on good times and memories. I started off with making very conscious efforts to try and live in the present and now I see myself spending less and less time dwelling in the past or worrying about the future, I instead take control of the things that are in my hand. I make happy moments for myself by making a difference in the present.

All the things I mentioned were purposefully reminded to me by me over a span of time. It is a very hard thing to do in the spur of the moment but soon starts making a huge difference when I come across any issue.

– Hello, Reader! I hope this little piece of personal advice was helpful to anyone who needed to hear it. I know I am very young to talk about such a topic but we have all been there. And I firmly believe that just because one has to scale a mountain doesn’t mean it’s easy for others to climb a rock. My problems might look very trivial to some and huge to others but they are a problem nonetheless. I, encourage people to speak and talk about their emotions and feelings, irrespective of age or gender, without feeling shy, misunderstood, dismissed, ashamed or mocked. But that can happen only when we create a safe space for the people we care about, when they are made aware that there are people to listen and not hear.

I hope all of you have an amazing day! 🙂